JESUS' Youth Generation

The Last: July 19, 2010

2010-07-19T17:58:00.007+08:00

As I said, almost a year ago, this is my last post..... Heh, When I look again in my past post, I looked pathetic.

"Trust no one
Seek no one
Like no one
Love no one"

That are the codes I live for now.
===========================================================

However, if I may, I would like to show my last weakness. Even after a year, The feeling won't change,just a simple, "Harry, could you move your chair?" can remind me of the pain. Her laugh and her voice had made me miss her laugh and her voice. Love is love. However, whatever I do or did, the fact that we won' be together won't change.

===========================================================

"Smile is the best mask. Utilize it fully, since it can cover your weakness. I am a leader and I am alone. We don't have someone to show our weakness to. From a comfort zone to the next. This is my Choice. This is my Path. This is my Life. This is what defines me, who I am. I can keep it up a year, I can keep it up for the rest of my life."

"This is the only way I can live. Without emotion, just smiles. Only logic and reasons. Every Logic is Every Reason. Trust, the act of Seeking, Liking, Loving is illogical and hence irrational. I am what people call Genius, hence I will be. Everything illogical and irrational is useless and must be removed. Analyze everyone."

This is what I have learned in a year. That no one can be trusted. Not your parents, not your bestfriend, not your friends, not your colleagues. If you considered yourself as someone I can trust, please do tell me since I never have one. This is the last.

365

Night: Updates & Last Post

2009-10-06T03:07:00.004+08:00

I fell in love with another girl!! It seems contradicting when I posted that MV after, if you know whom I am talking about. Well, she is catholic. Dunno, I never fall in love with someone with the same religion (maybe once or twice?). Oh well........

I am elected to be an ExCo in my Student Council!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha, dunno it is a curse or a blessing. When I have her, I can't be an ExCo without clear reason. And now, when I don't have her, I become one? ExCo is the leader of the whole SC. So in relation with my previous post? I am alone. And not only that, I am chosen to become the secretary (or vice president) of my School of Life Sciences' Student Club. Why now? Why now of all times? Dunno what GOD planned for me. If this keeps on, I might become president of my Journal Club. Well, maybe. So I decided to drop it, and also to let her have a place.

I complain a lot here. However, after all that times, I had one conclusion.

"Never show your limit. Never show your weakness. Never make yourself read by everyone but make sure you can read everyone"

I did cry a lot because of the fact I am alone. Don't have anyone, and I think because I never met my CellGroup I feel weird to tell them anything. So yeah. I am supposed to thank her for all that I think. I learned that for being a leader, you will be made to throw away everything. You won't have anyone. You are alone. THANK YOU!!

Because of that one conclusion, I will never cry and never complain. Never show my weakness. And So, this is my last post. Will post on July 19th 2010. My feeling.

Will post all the song I made in a while + updated "important dates"
Created Song
Important Dates

78

Night: It's You

2009-10-06T02:59:00.009+08:00

It's you...............

[Norago................]

Night: Videos

2009-09-28T21:51:00.003+08:00

See the translation.

Subbed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qozO_oiAqsU

Tell you about a lot of things next post :D

70

Night: The Reason

2009-09-17T01:07:00.004+08:00

Think I owe you guys some explanation. Why I feel not wanted.

Let me start with my secondary school or to be precise during my junior high. I am not that smart or "cool" back then. I don't have any bestfriend till at second year. I betrayed him of course, since that time I don't have any sense of leadership that time so I just do what crowd do. Stab each other back. Yeah, so I maybe accidentally hurt my friend. When I think about it, her hurt face and my best friend face when looking at me is really the same. "I don't want to see you".

So, well, I am bullied of course since I am not as big as other people. I hang out with the girls but in junior high, it is same as saying you are, in softer word, sissy. So I just be quiet if I know it is getting overboard. During my third year, I moved to international school. I don't have many friend of course, I just getting out of my comfort zone. So well, I usually go to library during break since I don't get along with many people in my class. I am playing games or read some book at library. In here, I am shaped. I get leadership skill, musical skill and many more.

One thing that really struck me is on of my teacher's leadership workshop. He listed many things that was major breakdown of a leader. One of them is that as you become at the top, you will be lonely since no one else is there to bear the same burden. It really had me. During my 3 years at that school. I usually lead a very naughty class. During a camp, one of the naughtiest people at my school is actually at my group. And guess what, I am the leader for my group. We take turns everyday, as the leader. However, this guys caused trouble ONLY on my turn. I remember on my teacher, gave my class a story about Abraham Lincoln. He failed a lot of times as a member of the diet and etc. Guess why, after he became the president of US, US are struck by major crisis and he lead through it. Only because he is shaped by many of his failure. I don't think I am that bad. Yet.

So we move to Singapore now. Out of my sisters, I sent to Singapore first. Because my intake is the first. Well, so, I don't know anyone and anywhere. At least when my older sister are here, she have me to accompany her when she is eating without feeling awkward since I am with her. Different in my case. So yeah, I don't know anyone at class since I came late (there is orientation a week before but I get the schedule wrong so I arrived at Singapore precisely when the orientation start). So, after a few days, I get to know some people accidentally, very embarrassing (I arrived at the class 5 minutes before it ends and I ask, "Is this genetic class?" which is laughed by the class)

I am alone for the past few weeks I think. I know some of my classmates BUT not necessarily I am going to be accompanied by them when I had lunch. You want to know how alone I am? There is this long table. A lot of people sit at the sides while I sat at the end. The funny thing is that those people know each other and only me who is a stranger. So I left them although they said, "It is okay, nevermind". After a few days, I get to know her, Kristal and her group. They sit by me usually so I don't need to feel alone. However, I know that it is maybe only me that feel that I had a friend. Maybe they don't. So instead of waiting for them (just like she and other member of her group does, waiting for other), I left first. Although, in the end, we become bestfriend.

So in Singapore, I had a new comfort zones. Kristal. I don't need to frantically searching for those who want me as part of their group since Kristal always ask me to join theirs. However, Sometimes I don't since it will exceed the number of the member, so I just step down and move to another group. At least she ask me.

So, move on to now. We broke up and so our friendship and her friendship. She had a new members. Michael and Brandon and C Stella and C Sylvia. How nice. On one module, we need 5 to 6 people. Opps, her group is five already (including herself). So nice right? :D

Okay, I had two friends that I think my bestfriend. Actually they are not. They are forming another group with 7 people, it is maxed so I can't possibly ask the lecturer or them to force one more people in. But the thing is I am not asked to join their group. I know that maybe they are thinking I can join another group. If they think that way, they certainly not my bestfriend. See my example of what Kristal did. Sharing your storied and problems do not necessarily make them your bestfriends. So here I am. Alone. I am thinking to join Jie Vanessa's group but I see on the register they had 6 member (and I just knew that they only had 5 in the end) so I am forced to look for another alternative. All other groups is maxed. Mostly 6 and 7. SO only 3 groups left. Kristal's, James' and another girl's group. I can't join Kristal's group obviously so only left with those two. I don't like the girl's group. So I joined James' group. You see here, I am a leader. And everyone else think they I can join another group. I get myself hoping to high and this is what I get. This is what I meant by "lonely". I asked the lecturer to have my own group. With myself as the only member. She refused. As expected. But I also expected that I will be alone in the end. So why bother?

You see here, I lost my comfort zone. And I am forced to be alone. What I am afraid is that since I get myself a lot of organization. I may one day get to stand on a award winning ceremony. And when I am coming to the stage, no one is giving me applause because no one that know me come (I don't use the word friend here), because I get my hopes too high and I get hurt. So, why bother hoping? Asking them to come and in the end, "Sorry, I had work" or "Sorry, Something had happened". I may have Ko Dey or Ko Vibo. However, they can't be my groupmates and they maybe can't come to the ceremony anyway.

I can't tell anyone. Not even my friend at school because they may just feel irritated by what I am saying. Thinking "a big boy but can't stand alone". So why bother.

Maybe I am looks like Anna from Fated to Love You. Being used to being alone. However, after having one taste of not alone. We can't let go. There. I think I finally know the reason of why I can't let go of her. Why is it so hard to let her go...

What I put on FB's and my MSN's status:
"Another thing that most leaders will go through is loneliness. Why? Because they chose the path that less people travels"

Where is my next comfort zones?

P.S. Kristal, through C Sylvia, ask me why I join James' group. However, I don't think she cares about my loneliness. Me and my "friend" think that, "She think that you think she had something going on with James. That's why you join James' Group"

59

Night: Songs

2009-09-13T23:33:00.001+08:00

Lyrics:
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

(with lyrics)

(with lyrics)

(with lyrics)

(with lyrics)

I love you

56

Night: One More Proof is Lost

2009-09-13T02:14:00.002+08:00

I always make it a reminder that we had such a proof that we had a relationship. All her message. All her pictures. All OUR pictures. I always afraid that I lost it. And yet, it comes to life. I lost it. I lost my memories-filled handphone. GOD really works in different way.

Everytime you said, I won't be angry, there is always someone to make you angry. Everytime you said, I will love someone today, there is always someone that you don't love.

And now, I think GOD knows that I tresures it so much. Maybe another test for me. I really REALLY don't want it. She seems forget about it. Our memories together. If even she don't want it. Who else who will if it is not me? That's why I always want to memorize the memories.

Now that the proof is gone, I just wish that someone can come to me and said: "It is not a dream. You and her had a relationship before."

I just wish for anyone to say it......

Anyone.....

Night: One Wish

2009-09-12T01:06:00.004+08:00

I only want to see her happy. With or without me. If just by my presence it make her not happy, then it will be better for me to stay away.

Even if I can only see that smile far away, as long she is smiling, I will take the price.

Even if I see her in other man's arm, as long she felt loved, my feeling won't matter

Even if I watched her hold other man's arm, as long she felt secured, I won't regret it.

Even if I saw her laugh with other man, as long she is happy, I will stay in the back, watching her. To make sure no other man did the same as what I did to her.

Just seeing her happy. That is the only thing I wanted.

====================================================================================

I think other than her (and GOD), no one will accept me or include me in what they can call "bestfriend"

I think it is time to stay away, better than get my hope too high and get hurt. Will post here why I feel this way....

55

I am really so in love with her

2009-09-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

I am really so in love with her.

So I now just need GOD's time to makeit perfect.

Although I am 100% sure, even the most surest man is not 100% correct.I know GOD will give me the correct way.

I love you

Night: Things

2009-09-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

Still-Brian McKnight
Official Videos-->target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrFGLobqD-w

Well, at least I know she is working now. Then, it means one less problem to think about. Hope she is okay. Can't concentrate on the lecture today. I browse every message she sent. Hyahaha, can't tell you what she said but it is enough to think that at least, she ever had loved me truly. The more I see her, the more beautiful she is.

Oh well, tmrw going to Nat Lib. Hope I don't meet her walking with james or whoever it is. I can just cry at the spot.

Btw, I finished the two song. "My Favourite Place" and "Kristasy-11th Symphony" :D

I think I just record at my handphone and put it here. Wait for the post!! :D

53

Morning: Another Dream

2009-09-08T10:26:00.000+08:00

Had a good dream. I am talking to her. and we talk a lot of things and she even say goodbye to me. :D

Well, I hate CB. Because there is that guy that is a bit annoying so I am forced to move behind where can I see kristal laughing with all the guys. It make me feel sad. I always cried after that. Thank GOD she did not notice.

Btw, I know I never struggle about this but I think I am 100% sure that she is destined to be with me.

That is the thing that keep me going. Well, you know what I mean.

Yst, I browse every message that she sent. Not all, since my memory is not enough for that. But I saved some of it.

I think I can't regret it. It is because at least, for a certain period of time, there is someone that is ready for me, care about me, love me and happy with me around. Hehe. I am really glad for that. Sorry if I can't make you feel the same. Since in the end, you are very irritated by what I did. Well, I am not balming of course. It is my fault in the first place.

Yah, at the very least, you are smiling and I can see it. Your beautiful smile.

51

Night: One Hope

2009-09-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

"Maybe you can try next year for the friendship thing"

That is the only thing that keep me from feeling down everytime (other than GOD of course).

At least I know that I still have hope on
Seeing her smile face to face.
Staring her eyes without feeling scared.
Seeing her beautiful face everytime.
I have something worth waiting for, in the weekdays.

That is the only thing.

Woa. I just have in my mind another song. :D

entitled: The Only Thing

So another song to be added:
Different
My Favourite Place
The Only Thing
Kristasy 11th Symphony ( I am planning it to be ascending so next symphony will be the 10th and etc)

Looking forward the day I can see her smile face to face again.

Until then, please be happy.

P.S.
Important Dates

49

Vids of the Day

2009-09-05T10:26:00.001+08:00

Night: Things

2009-09-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

I am angry
because I don't know what I am angry about
even more because I don't know the answer

Yeah, angry the whole day. Just writing it make me angry alr.

I was feeling like breaking the toilet mirror but I knew my hand will be in more serious injury so I stop myself. Broke a pencil into two though.... Ahaha

I accidentally send her a fr. But as expected, she ignored it.

anyway, I forget to tell you that I initially am angry because I am blaming myself.

Because I lose kristal and I made jie vanessa lose her too. and I made kristal in a worse condition even more. Am to scared. REALLY SCARED!!

It hurts even more now.

I NEVER INTEND TO HURT YOU!! I ONLY LOVE YOU!! I KNOW I SAID IT BUT YOU TAKE IT IN DIFFERENT WAY!! THERE ARE A LOT TO EXPLAIN!!

OH GOD!! please let her read. I can get crazy!! I can't take it. really can't take it....

I really feel like crying.

Morning: Stormy Mind

2009-09-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

Wake up with depressed feeling.

oh well, since she doesn't read, then I can say what I want!! ahahaha. Well, talk to uncle shank and jie vanessa yst. They are giving me a lot of feedback. And jie vanessa seems a bit irritated. hmmmmm....

Oh well, I think 2 days ago, I went to kristal's house. Not directly lah but I just pass through her HDB block. Dunno why, just that when her bus comes, I just want to get in. so I get in.

Well, remember that I am being angry and jealous with michael and james? Well, when I think about it, I met her mother twice. but they only meet her aunt!! hehe, at least I hope that.

I am going to record like 6 song and post it here.
Different - Harry
My Favourite Place - Harry
Kristasy 11th Symphony - Harry
Angel - Dru Hill
Still - Brian McKnight
Best I've Ever Had - State of Shock

and I ask yen about her feeling about me. whether she get over me already or not. and yen said, she had get over me. LONG TIME AGO. It hurt me to think that she forget our time together so easily (maybe not easily but like don't care about it). I don't know what mistake that I did to make her hate me so much. I really don't know.

Sometimes when I see her blog (remember that I saved some of her entries?),I feel it is like different people. ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

I have a lot to say but dunno how to say.

and losing her means that I must get out of my comfort zone again. It is hard to find someone that wanted me. It is because there are only 2 kind of popular people. Those that people liked and those that people don't care. I am the second one I think. Oh yeah, maybe they will ask me what happen if I don't come to school. but other than that, nope.

Never thought that our relationship will end this way. if this is the case, I should broke with her long time ago. Since I wanted her to stay beside me. If by having relationship I will lose her, then, I maybe should be having a relationship. Even if it means that she will have another relationship with other people. Ahaha, wish that she read.

btw, yst, I had a cell group that discussed dating and marriage, and during the whole thing only one people comes into my mind. Kristal Kristal and Kristal!!

But, now that she forget about me and can move on, then what's left is just one stupid idiotic person that still can't forget about it. ME.

I am really afraid of the future. What if when I am gone, she get married? Having another relationship with some guy I know and hate? What if? What if? What if?

The more I see her, the more I will fall in love all over again. I am saying to jie vanessa, before we go out, that I am forgetting her. but when I see her, it is like I will fall in lover all over again. which means basically useless way to forget.

I dunno what happened to me, I cried more often now.

Oh yeah, btw, I dreamed about her. Heheh, she tell me why she is so angry with jie vanessa, because, "I don't know who she is to us". Well, I dunno about that. and I ask her why she is angry with me, then what she said is , "ASK lah". So me in my dream don't dare to ask back. Ahahah.

Oh well, I post a lot. I know that she did not read. but I just wish she read.

If you want to forget someone, hate that person

47

Night: Confession

2009-09-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hi. It's been a long time. I am thinking a lot of ways to gain back her attention. By "lot", it really a lot!! Some is impossible of course. So yeah. I had been listening to these three song: Still-Brian McKnight, I'm Sorry-3rd Storee and Angel-Dru Hill.

Crying a lot nowadays. I really miss her. Dunno how it get worse. I thought I am okay and then second later it hurts like ________!!!!

Btw, I finish my song and another addition. VERY short song though.

Will post it in a while? I think.

"There are a lot of other girls" "Yeah, but I want is only her"

44

Night: Update

2009-08-13T00:40:00.002+08:00

A one-sided feeling is really painful
One of my friend's shoutout. Which is completely true.

Ahah, been reading that manga for like 4th times. :D

Dunno what I am doing.

Been off for a while too. --> Messed up my exam. I can't do the essay. Well, because I mixed up the date of the exam. ahahah. Anyway......

I think I kinda "numb", I don't feel anything everytime I see her. Even if I imagining her going out with someone, it doesn't cause the ache which usually, it will hurt like crazy. Is this letting go? :((

Nah, but I *ehem* miss her...........

btw, I find the "masterpiece" already, but I want to prolong it, so wait for a little while.

And, the reason I close the blog is because she doesn't read it anymore (I think) so what's the point if no one reading? ahahah

25

Night: The End

2009-08-11T00:33:00.002+08:00

http://www.onemanga.com/Densha_Otoko/

Anyone interested in love manga, please read that.It is very nice. :D

Well, I figure out to close this blog.

I will close it after I make a "masterpiece", a song for her. :D

The title is without a doubt, "Kristasy-11th Symphony"

Goodnight

23

Night: A Song

2009-08-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

A bit of editing..... and I found the chorus now!! :D

Dedicated to someone I STILL love with all my body, my soul and my mind


"Different"

Capo on 2nd


G                     F#
Just like the sun enlighten the world with new light
Em7        Cadd9
E.....very moment
G                     F#
The same with your presence enlighten my life
Em7        Cadd9
E.....very moment

Dm
And when all else fail....
G
You will make things
   Em7      Cadd9
perfectly alright

Chorus:

G
It is different
F#
From the moment I saw you
Em7
From the moment I saw you
Cadd9
From the moment I saw you
G
I can feel the love
F#
I can feel the life
Em7
I can feel the joy
       Cadd7
that I finally make you
G
mine

Bridge:

Em
It is different
C#m
From the moment I saw you (2x)
C#m
From the moment I saw.... (let it ring)
G
you

G  F#  Em7   Cadd9

Time to fall asleep, I really tired. really tired...........

Night: Confusion

2009-08-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

Know how to answer and understand what is behind the answer is two different things

Have another almost-quarrel with my parents. Really don't understand them. I really dunno,really confused and etc. And I don't want to go home actually but, I don't have any reason to be in Singapore. So, maybe it is better to move for a while.

And Searching for scholarship as well. Maybe it is REALLY time to move school. Ahaha. Dunno what to expect.

Time to study.

Goodnight

20

Night: ARRRGGGHHH

2009-08-07T21:05:00.001+08:00

Even on virtual world I can't protect her. ARRRGGHHHH. It really irritates me!!

I called my city Kristasy and it get attacked a lot of times!! and I can't fight back!!

And in the real world, I also can't do anything.

Really pathetic....

19

Afternoon: Happiness

2009-08-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

ACT happy is better than LOOKING sad

If I may, I am happy to still see a lot of people happy with their couple. Just like my uncle said, "be happy for what they experienced"

Oh well.

I had enough study. Time to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Morning: 0

2009-08-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

I did prayed. So that I don't have a dream about it which can make me lose determination. But I dreamed again. Well, it is supposed to be bad dream but I am still happy although I may regret it later.

I can see her smile
I can hear her voice
I can make her smile
I can feel her warmth

It is a dream. I know. But at the very least I can make her happy.

Oh well.

Dunno what I want to say already. Although no one will read but......

Night: 00.00

2009-08-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

Dunno why, when I play my games, the pain suddenly pierced my chest.

I really don't know what's wrong. I thought I let go already but I still feel the pain. Oh well, hope it will disappear in the next few months (or years).

Oh well....

Kaoru and Kenshin - Rurouni Kenshin
Haru and Elie - Rave
Tsubame and Yahiko - Rurouni Kenshin
Tokio and Saitou - Rurouni Kenshin
Chen Xin Yi and Ji Chun Xi - You Are My Destiny

Nah, maybe I am just talking something really impossible. Just like my a ma said, 90% of first love will end up with break ups. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I fall in this percentage.

Time to study.

Night all.

18

Afternoon: ....

2009-08-06T17:02:00.000+08:00

Crying all night really does help

Well, the problem is solved but I am still worried though.

I hope there will be no more trouble. :((

I will see you later!! :D

Night: Time of Regret

2009-08-05T23:06:00.001+08:00

There are a lot of things I regret

I wish I never fall asleep. So that I can etched it on my mind her sleeping face, her warmth, her softness, her breathing, her everything
I wish I can act mature so that I don't need to hurt her
I wish I can broke up with her long time ago. At least we can be friends, not a forever stranger
I wish I never hurt her physically, men are supposed to be a gentleman yet, I broke that ideal I live for
I wish I can let her go this instant so that I don't need to feel the pain for the next few months (or years)
I wish I can protect your smile but I can't
I wish I can stop your tears from flowing out but I can't

sorry

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am really worried about tmrw!! Some money trouble!! Wish I will be okay by tmrw. I really hope so!!

Scared

Afternoon: ....

2009-08-05T17:43:00.000+08:00

I think I am too arrogant and I paid the price.

People always give me a responsibility which I accept gladly. But, I don't like it if some people taking it from me although they did that to help me. But I can't speak to anyone about this. It is too selfish to think this way.

Even the most useful tools will be useless someday.

Oh well. Maybe I will just keep it to myself. Don't expect anyone to understand though even if you read.

Bye.

17

Night: Time

2009-08-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

Talk to uncle today. Thanks a lot for the accompany and advices and ears to listen to me. :D REally appreciate it. And Thanks to my jie too!! :D

Vids of the day:

Lyrics
Oh baby
Ain't it like you to make me smile
Pick me up when I'm feelin' down
When no one else comes around
Ain't it like you to make me smile

Oh baby
Ain't it like you to make me cry
Every mile brings another tear
Just wishin' you were here
Ain't it like you to make me cry

How many times have I
Hung on the line, waitin'
For you to say the words
To let me know that you're
Needing me so...

How many times have I
Hung on the line, waitin'
For you to say the words
To let me know that you're
Needing me so...

Oh baby
Ain't it like you to make me smile
Though I may not tell you enough
When it all gets too much
Ain't it like you to make me
Ain't it like you to make me
Ain't it like you to make me...smile
Smile

You make me smile
You make me smile
You make me smile

You make me smile
You make me smile
You make me cry

[repeat until fade]

Lyrics
Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battle-field

One word turns into a
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield? (x2)
Why does love always feel like...

Can't swallow our pride,
Neither of us wanna raise that flag, mhmm
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose what we had, oh no

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield? (x2)

I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your...

We could pretend that we are friends tonight (oh-oh-oh)
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
Cause baby we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like...

A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield,
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield

I guess you better go and get your armor...

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for (fighting, fighting for)

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield? (x2)

I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor

Why does love always feel like...
Why does love always feel like...
A battlefield, a battlefield...

I never meant
To start a war
Don't even know
What we're fighting for

I never meant
To start a war
Don't even know
What we're fighting for

Get the song when shank give a ride. :D Enjoy.

15

Night: My Mind

2009-08-03T01:47:00.003+08:00

"Nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga"

It is an Indonesian idiom that means, "it needs only a bit of bad habit to destroy the good habit that is already used for years"

Yeah, It is only a dream. It is really a good dream. But that is more than enough to destroy my determination. I really don't understand how I can be so in love.

I don't feel the ache or maybe, to be exact, the feeling I have now is not about I can't get back with. It is the feeling when we start to going out, it is IMPOSSIBLE for us to going out.

See the difference?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
everything seems like a dream.
it is really was, please dont wake me up.
because it's too beautifully for me to get away.

♥ s
o611o8
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know it is. It really is the best dream. It really is....

I can still remember it. It was just like yesterday

15

Night: Weird

2009-08-02T01:00:00.002+08:00

I really don't understand HIM.

I don't know HIS plan about all these.

I don't know why HE let it all happen. It is because,

How a boy and a girl with different nationality can meet?
How a boy and a girl with different beliefs fall in love?
How a boy and a girl with different minds become together?

Although it ends, and leave the girl a big wounds.

I really don't understand. Maybe I will or I won't.

Nah, I think I will in the next 7 years and 352 days.

Goodnight!!

14

Night: Super Tired!!

2009-08-02T00:40:00.002+08:00

I saved some of my favourite entries. From September 2008 to March 2009. It really is one of the happiest moment of my life. There are 3 o such moment in my life. I slept at 5 am yst. Don't ask me what I did during the hours after my last post.

And maybe that's why I had a good dream which is supposed to be bad. I kinda forget what is my dream all about. Only two things are clear. I met her and we are going back together. That's why I said it is both bad and good.

At least I can see her smile
At least I can touch her skin
At least I can the softness of her cheek
At least I make her happy, once again

Although, it is only a dream.

Nah, it kinda weaken my determination to hold my vow. But, I (force myself to) know that it will do us no good. It is only 14 days and I can't take it. I wonder if I can take it for the next 4 years and 352 days.

I think I should not talk about this, but I dunno whom I should talk with. At least before I forget all of it.

I hope I had a bad dream that is supposed to be bad to make me overcome this situation.

Night: Tears

2009-08-01T03:45:00.001+08:00

Thanks for jie and uncle for the advice.

Ahah, I still awake!! Guess why!! Two hint. Killing Monster and Level. :D:D

Well, This past few days, I have a song in my mind....

Dedicated to someone I love with all my mind, body and soul


"Different"

Capo 2nd

G                     F#
Just like the sun enlighten the world with new light
Dm         Cadd9
E.....very moment
G                     F#
The same with your presence enlighten my life
Dm         Cadd9
E.....very moment

Dm
And when all else fail....
Am
Your presence will lift me up
G
And make every things perfectly alright

Chorus:
It is different
From the moment I saw you
I can feel the love
I can feel the life
I can feel the joy
that I finally make you
mine

Sorry, I haven't figure out the Chorus part yet. It is coming though :D

Goodnight!!

13

Night: Struck by Lighting

2009-07-30T22:18:00.003+08:00

Dunnno what happen to me. I know that I can't stand spicy food yet still ate the dinner today which is very spicy. And I still bought super spicy Tao Kae Noi from 7-11.... Thinking too much --> Genius --> Crazy (State I am now)....

Don't Speak-No Doubt
Lyrics
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

11

Night: 15 mins to 00.00

2009-07-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

Well, I was 1 meter apart!! and I am listening to this song:

Let me tell you what I feel through this song:

Lyrics:
1:
To kiss and tell it's, just not my style
But the night is young and it's been a while
And she broke my heart, broke it right in two
And it took some time but Im feeling like
Im finally ready to find
Find somebody new

Chorus:
I wanna kiss a girl, I wanna hold her tight
And maybe make a little magic in the moonlight
Dont wanna go to far just to take it slow
But I shouldnt be lonely in this big old world
I wanna kiss a girl

2nd:
Oooh its that moment when you start closin in
First youre holdin back then surrenderin'
It could start a fire n' light up the sky
Such a simple thing do you wanna try
Are you ready to
Say goodbye to all these rules

Chorus:
I wanna kiss a girl, I wanna hold her tight
And maybe make a little magic in the moonlight
Dont wanna go to far just to take it slow
But I shouldnt be lonely in this big old world
I wanna kiss a girl

Bridge:
Cause baby tonight it could turn in to the rest of our lives
Are you ready? Are you ready?
To cross that line put your lips on mine!!
Put your lips on mine baby

Pre-Chorus:
Do you wanna try are you ready to
Say goodbye to all all these rules

Chorus:
I wanna kiss a girl I wanna hold her tight
And maybe make a little magic baby
Dont wanna go to far just to take it slow
But no one should be lonely you shouldnt be lonely
I wanna kiss a girl I wanna hold her tight
And maybe make a little magic in the moonlight
Dont wanna go to far just to take it slow
But I shouldnt be lonely in this big old world
I wanna kiss a girl

Nananananana nananananana nananananana nananananana
yeahahah oo oo oo I said I wanna kiss a girl

Nananananana nananananana nananananana nananananana
oh oh oh oh ah oh I wanna kiss a girl

Nananananana nananananana nananananana nananananana
I wanna hold her tight I wanna make a little magic out under the moonlight
Nananananana nananananana nananananana nananananana
Ohh I WANNA KISS HER NOW!!

||||||||||

Night: Genius? Or just a matter of paying attention?

2009-07-28T22:48:00.003+08:00

The Mentalist

I like the time when I see people study hard. Nah, don't ask me why. Just that it is quite "amusing". Hehe.

They don't like test because 1) They don't like to study or 2) They hate test or 3) They hate test because they are afraid to fail the test.

"See a test as a tool to know until what extend is your ability"

That is what Mr Rene, my accounting teacher said.

And that changed my mind.

It is a lot more fun (for me) if the test have a greater risk. Just like today.

Wrong answer deduct your mark by half. Isn't that fun and more interesting and more fun? Hahah. It is because I can't wait to see the result. Ahahah.

Btw, one thing I can get today. Smart (or Genius), sooner or later will be hated. It is just a matter of time.

Goodnight.

|||||||||

Night: Another Day

2009-07-27T23:53:00.001+08:00

talk to my jie yesterday. Hehe, thanks a lot for the advices jie. I hope (and surely) follow your advices.

Oh well. Been playing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day long!! I want to do some presentation of Metabolism Inhibitor at first and still, tempted by playing. ahaha. Oh well, but I am very close to levelling you know!! :D

I think I will play for a while before I hit the bed. Byeeee.

||||||||

2009-07-27T02:53:00.000+08:00

just kill me

Night: Breathless

2009-07-26T19:45:00.005+08:00

Was hyperventilating during the church. Really scared and worried. Between wanting and not wanting "something"

Btw, I find some of the very important date already.

Important Dates

Please read.

If I remember it again, I will update again.

|||||||

Dawn: Ache and Games

2009-07-26T03:35:00.002+08:00

Most people that I know suggest me to keep playing or study to get my mind off. But most of the times during my time playing my games, I get the ache. I am not sure why the suddenly *DHEG*, my heart just beat louder and I felt the pain.

Nah, Maybe I will get used to it. I called this ache as "loneliness".

In about 25 hours I will go out to eat. I hope nothing happens. I don't want to face it but I must to.

Goodnight.

Afternoon: A Song

2009-07-25T13:39:00.006+08:00

Dedicated to someone I loved with all my soul and body and mind

Hope you enjoy it.......

||||||

Night: Memory

2009-07-24T23:19:00.004+08:00

"Memories are the only things that can't be touched and it is a proof that we had a memory together"

I put that in my facebook.

What is memories? It is very hard to explain, even using our advanced technology. It can be something that involved our millions intersection of our neurons. Or, something else.

I thought when I grow up, I will never cry again. No matter how hard is the situation. But....
Today is the first time I shed tears on the school ground, I meant in Singapore. Something trigger the sadness to come back. Most people ask me, "Why do you ask?". My reason is because if "someone" did not want to remember, who will? That's why I need to remember.

I understand why it want to be forgotten. But since for me it is a very happy occasion, I want to preserver the memories. And what I mean by "happy" is not I enjoy hurting "someone". It is happy because I feel happy when I can be with. And I feel sad when we fight.

Nah, at the very least, I can see the smile, even if it is not for me and without me.

|||||

Night: Anger II

2009-07-24T00:50:00.004+08:00

Lost my temper again. Maybe I am at fault maybe she is also at fault. And I don't want to tell what happen. It is too much.

Oh well, "Life is about how you treat other people" huh? Before you judge other, please look yourself.

P.S. Need a girlfriend. Fast!! :((

Morning: Ache

2009-07-23T11:19:00.002+08:00

I woke up today with ache on my chest.
I am not sure what happens.
I am not sure about what caused the ache.
But no matter how painful it is, I can't cry. I don't have the tears to do that.
Maybe because that special place is no longer mine.

Btw, I NEED HELP ON IY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever the teacher ask something, my mind just go blank!! ARRGGHH!!!!

Time to study early....

Night: Falling in Love

2009-07-23T00:40:00.002+08:00

Today is not so bad....

Well, talked a lot to my jie and uncle. I think good advice should be said by not only one people and they talked the same advice and both are good. Thank jie and uncle!! :D

Actually, yesterday film kinda make me happy. Since I know very well what is the feeling of falling in love. Just seeing her can make you in heaven. It is one of the happiest feeling I ever had. However, seeing her with somebody else will make you sad or even angry. Ahha, I know that feeling well too. But I think I am in the middle of let go.

At least when I feel down, somebody out there is happy.

P.S. get a new game :D, Dragonica. If you are playing, go to server 2 since that's where I play :D:D See ya!!

||||

Night: A Bad Day

2009-07-21T22:32:00.003+08:00

It really a bad day. The movie, Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, is not so nice. Rank: 3/10.

Then did an embarrassing thing on the train.

At home the laptop suddenly lagged for a quite long time....

And myself, getting proud, because I get an A in my Human Genetics while others get higher than me!! ARRGH!!

Just getting angrier and angrier when I think about it.

And there are some things that I can't tell you here. I will tell you in person. Heheh....

||

Night: My Life

2009-07-20T21:31:00.004+08:00

I want to lead a simple life. Graduate from primary,secondary, college, and then take a Ph.D, work on Organic Chemistry, win a Nobel Prize, get a Master on Math, Physics and Biology. Make my own laboratory, school and then retired. Of course, along the way, I find my wife, not through multiple relationship. Just once. ONCE. Having kids and then die peacefully. One is impossible to reach so, naw, I hope I can reach the others.

Well, Day one [and I broke my promise already] well, I hope I won't be tmrw. Wish me all!!

|

Night: Time to End [Edited]

2009-07-19T21:16:00.004+08:00

Just having a conversation with my jie.

As quoted, "Forget everything, forget the past about you two having relationship"

So, to Kristal, I want to read your blog but you closed it. I don't know why neither I don't want to know. I won't care about you, what you doing, or whom you go out with. As when this entry is posted, I swore to myself to not interfere with your life, try to know("tracking") where, what, whom you going. And I must stop to reading your blog. I might be selfish but it is in order to let you go. I hope you want me to let go just as I want you to let me go (which I assume you done that already if not, please feel free to go ahead).

I dunno what will you thinking, as what usually expressed in your blog, but I won't be able to read it since I swore to not open it again nor I want your answer.

I may regret saying all this but this is an oath that I must take.

Just my last interference, although I told you many times, be happy, be feel protected and be feel secured. Sorry I can't give you that and made you felt the most uncomfortable and painful relationship.

Take care and goodnight.

Video of the Day:

Now I know what you meant by memories.thrown...........

Afternoon: Cowardice

2009-07-19T18:19:00.002+08:00

After that day, I feel scared of meeting her. I am scared of the ache. Scared of facing the fact that my place is not beside her.

Maybe that's what you called cowardice, and I am scared stiff but "be strong!!" so I am facing it, ready or not ready.

I am still scared today though but as quoted from John Mason's book, Impossible is Possible, (literally translated)
"Do not tell me that worry do not done any good, I know better, things that I worry do not happen"
and yeah, I do not see them.

Well, 2 years to go before I don't see her again. I can be strong for 4 months, I hope I can for the next 24 months.

Night: No Regret

2009-07-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

After a second thought, I MAYBE not closing my blog. Not sure about the third and the fourth thought.... :D

Moving on....

There is Indonesian saying,
"Nasi sudah menjadi bubur"

in English translated as "if something had happened, there is no turning back"

Btw about Indonesia, there is one Sci-fi book that mention Indonesia a lot of times, it is called The Judas Strain, really interesting book since it contain a lot of scientific terms :D

Well, what I mean by the title is that I must getting used to some other guy (I ASSUME) flirting her, I can't go with her on 8-11, and etc. Yah, but as I said before, her life is hers and mine is mine. I won't go back at my own word. IT WILL HURT LIKE THE HIGHEST SCALE OF SCHMIDT STING PAIN INDEX!! But as what a lot of my jie said, be strong!! So I am trying to do that now...........

Another test done!! YEEHAY!! Altough test or no test, KEEP PLAYING!!!!!!!!! :D

I think that's all :D

Afternoon: ....

2009-07-18T17:47:00.003+08:00

Getting angry and impatient at some stupid thing.

Last advice before I am closing my blog,

Please be happy, I know I caused you some unpleasant and even painful things but please throw that away, even your happiest memory and lead a new life. As someone that is not related to you at all, I may be so selfish (read as: busybody) but that is my last intervenes.

From a stranger to a friend
From a friend to a best friend
From a best friend to a couple
From a couple to a friend
From a friend to a stranger
From a stranger to an acquaintance
From a acquaintance to a stranger
Forever...........

Wish you lots of luck!!

Night: Pain, Sadness and Cries

2009-07-18T00:17:00.004+08:00

Kristal, I hope you read since this is going to be the last post.

I don't know how to say, I am surprised, sad, and hurt. Surprised since you message me, sad since you (I think) misunderstand something and hurt since I am back to 0.

I promise not to interfere with your life. That is for sure since if I keep interfering, it just make me unable to let go and I am in the middle of letting go which is really hard even now.

I still don't understand which one is, by your definition, faking, it is all completely real and this is a CHRISTIAN blog which if it is a fake, it is a lie and hence, I committed a crime. I hope you understand.

Or what you mean by faking is that I still love you? Even now? Or about the fact that I mention I can't let go? Or about I am happy even if I can only see your smile from far away? Or about the fact that I need your help in my studies?

I can only say one thing, it is completely true. COMPLETELY TRUE. I still love you, or, madly in love with you. I still can't let go and I am trying. and I am happy that at least you are happy and smiling. and I need your help in my studies, I told you that I am no genius, and that YOU are the genius one.

Well, I think that is all I want to say. Goodluck in the exam in the next 12 hours. I know you can.

P.S. I hope I do not cause any further misunderstanding and I hope you understand.

Goodnight

Night: No More Tears II

2009-07-17T00:23:00.003+08:00

Called someone just now, been talking for a while and she/he made me realize a lot of things

Like,
"if you love someone, make her happy, whether it is about you being her boyfriend or not"
"Try to suppress your feeling, since in the end, it will just make her and you painful again"
"Say no to your feeling!!"
"Scold yourself if you are crying, since it just defeat the purpose of to let go"

and many other things...........

Hehe, I will try.

Going to sleep now. Goodnight!!

Night: Anger

2009-07-16T22:55:00.006+08:00

Almost lost my rare connector because of my anger....
Why you ask? Well, there are a lot of things, like, I am angry because I can't do today workshop and I can't prove myself that I am as smart as what most people think? Or, I am angry because I see them closer and closer? or, I am angry because I still feel angry when I see them closer?
I know that I don't have any right. but, sorry, I can't control my feeling.

Talked to a lot of people today, I wondering if I should do what they advise me to do or whether I just follow my own thinking?

It is good in this way (I am FORCING myself to recognize the fact) since we won't hurt each other anymore.

Clearing Misunderstanding

2009-07-16T15:13:00.002+08:00

Maybe I phrase it wrong, but what I want to say is that, "I will be happy as long as she is happy with someone she loves"

Hope it can clear any misunderstanding.

Friendship

2009-07-15T23:16:00.005+08:00

Just like a crystal,
Friendship is as fragile
However, just like a diamond,
Friendship is as precious

RegretRegretRegretRegretRegretRegret. hahah

I am very worried, how if I am not strong enough to watch her going out with another guy?

"you must be"

"Be happy for her. It is painful but be joyful that she found her joy without you and/or with another guy"

Thanks uncle!! :D

Physics and Math

2009-07-15T00:36:00.002+08:00

I had been fascinated by physics and math for a while now.

Just with variables, you can find out where an accident is bound to happen.
With just one formula, you can find out whose clapping is one second slower without hearing in a room of full of people.
With just one law, you can know where will each boson goes.

Just one thing that human can't never understand or predict.

LOVE

what is 2 divided by LOVE? The answer is....none
What is LOVE multiplied by mass of an electron? The answer is....none
What is the result when you apply right-hand rule to LOVE? The answer is still none!!

I am starting to regret that I fall in love with someone.

Well, obviously, it is the happiest feeling in the human history but, I think that is also the most painful feeling, more painful that being tortured, known in the human history.

I wish I can run from all these. Isolated in Ivory Tower and do everything in my own.

However, I can't do that. I am always try to be gentlemen in every occasion, so I should face it.

If at least, she can try, why can't I?

Night: Are we or Are we not?

2009-07-14T22:39:00.002+08:00

From simple "hi" to "how are you?"
From "how are you?" to "What happened with you?"
From "What happened with you?" to "I won't ask what happens but I am here to lend my shoulder"
From "I won't ask what happens but I am here to lend my shoulder" to "I will be there no matter what"

Everything just crumbles apart because one guy decided to make a girl his girlfriend
we are not even best friend, everyone just go separate way
Sorry all... Really sorry. Just because of my foolish self, everything just ruined
Just a piece of my mind.

Random

2009-07-14T12:00:00.002+08:00

If you read,

You really must stop getting my hopes too high. Just ignore my message whether I am asking or what. If not, you will regret it soon enough.

Even THAT message will make you regret it...........

19 Hours Left: EDITED

2009-07-13T23:19:00.004+08:00

You
DEL
can
DEL
find
DEL
it
DEL
caught
DEL
in
DEL
the
DEL
middle
DEL
hehehe
DEL

DELETED
Why? Because I don't to appear weak like "him".

NIght: No More Tears

2009-07-13T20:07:00.004+08:00

I am hurt so many times that I can't feel the pain like it used to be

It hurt so much that the only thing I do is to BEG so that it will end. Will it end?

Even if I want to cry, I don't have the tears left.

...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
"11"

"13" is said to be unlucky number.
For me, it is another happiness found
For you, it maybe equivalent t0 7 years of unluckiness

Ahah, I am not sure that is what I want to say....
but just let be....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It is shocking and very painful to hear it

BUT

just a simple 'wad?' is enough to make me drift to my sleep while smiling...........

who said happiness and sadness is opposite of each other?

Evening: Regret

2009-07-13T18:24:00.002+08:00

I just thought that I am the only idiot in this world.

Most people said I am genius, etc.

Well, if that's true, maybe I should just isolate myself in an Ivory Tower and just study or research on my own. Who cares about other people?!?!

That way, I will never know what "hurt" means.

Am I right?

I JUST TIRED OF THESE THINGS. I REALLY TIRED!!

P.S. I am sorry FATHER, I just don't know what to do anymore....

Afternoon: Blank

2009-07-13T12:36:00.004+08:00

BLANK

I don't know what I want to blog yet I feel like I want to tell you something....

Bye

Evening: Is it really just another crush?

2009-07-12T21:05:00.010+08:00

:D Well people, just don't be like me. I too holed up in my room playing games (7 internet tabs just for games) that I just notice David Archuleta is the one that sang "Crush" :D

The lyrics pretty nice.

Lyrics:
I hang up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility
that you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away, goin away

Has it ever cross you mind
When were hangin, spending time girl,
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away, goin away

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away, goin away

DELETED:
Wrong Video and no good video.... TT
[I want to post "When you say you love me" by Josh Groban]

Oh well, just enjoy this one first :D

Evening: Time of Reminisce

2009-07-12T19:02:00.003+08:00

I saw a bday card, it says:

"[A picture of monkey holding a glass of beer]It is time to drink alcohol [Happy 18th Bday]

But not the time to give a monkey yet [The Humour Factory]"

:D well, from here, I am thinking that becoming 18 years old is one of the most important phase in human life.

I remembered about my 18th birthday. It is not celebrated at the day itself but the day after that. Well, I wa..... to be exact, I am glad that I celebrated such important time with "someone dearest" :D

It still hurt though but I need to get used to another thing...........
Human mind is very complex, I maybe never understand how I can be madly in love with someone...........

Night: A Poem

2009-07-11T23:49:00.001+08:00

Yet, another poem :D

A wish

by Adam Block

I made a wish for us to be together
to hold,comfort,and love each other
i made a wish at one time
for us to last and always call you mine
i made a wish for us to be
the perfect couple,just u and me
i made a wish for us not to part
we would always stay close,
no matter how far we are

i wish that we could talk again
a wish i want, u as my friend
i wish i could tell you things
things that are on my mind
and u would always care for me

so tonight i wish upon a star
i wish for us,i wish so far
i wish for u to understand
that i will always love you
i wish for u to see
u still....mean everything to me
i wish for u to feel
that i will never give up on you

I wonder if I can sleep

Song in My Mind

2009-07-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

you were the best I ever had

Something Shocking

2009-07-11T20:10:00.002+08:00

I just heard something shocking.
but I said I don't want to hear anymore.

"If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't then it was never meant to be"

yeah, I think I don't have anymore hope.

I don't have anymore right.

I dunno how to express it. But I will tell some of you if I meet you.

I am happy yet I sad
I cried yet I laughed

Evening:MindStorm

2009-07-11T19:04:00.003+08:00

I want to know yet, I don't
I love her yet, I am not
I want to see yet, I don't
I am not happy yet, I am
I am not jealous yet, I am
I am laughing yet, I am not

I WANT TO NOT TO KNOW YET I LOVE HER NOT TO LOVE YET I WANT TO SEE HER NOT TO SEE YET I AM NOT HAPPY TO BE HAPPY YET I AM NOT JEALOUS NO I AM YET I AM LAUGHING NO I AM AND YET I AM. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

just a bit of my MindStorm...........

Night: A Poem

2009-07-11T01:39:00.001+08:00

Hi All!! :d
If only...

by Adam Block

If only i can go back in time
or get ride of that day
i would be sitting here
telling i love you in every way

if only i can not be sad
or show u that I'm really am happy
we wouldn't have all these problems
on that break that we were having

if only i could hear those words
or even get a kiss
then without a dought
i know ill be missed

if only you knew what u meant to me
or how my love to you really is
then you would realize
on how dumb i feel for what i did

but i cant change back time
or change the way i am
i wont feel those soft lips again
and i will always regret on what i did

but i will always have those memory's
the memory's of your soft lips
the memory's of holding u tight
the memory of picking out our star
the memory of your face when i sang
these memory's that i wont sell
not even for a all the money in the world

i know no matter what i say
and no matter what i do
i can never have you back
of all the of things i said...i feel so stupid
but there is something that wont stop
is that...i will always love you

I am satisfied that I can only see you and your smile from far away...........

Night: Incomplete

2009-07-10T01:42:00.003+08:00

Hey!! :D

I love you

by Adam Block

How can i be distant
when its my heart beating in twos
one for me and one for you
with every thing that we do

i love you kristal
i love you more than anything
my love to you is everything
everything in the universe

i love your lips
i love your smile
i love you babe
and thats not all
i love you in each and every way

from the way u speak
from the way u walk
from the way u think
or simply the way our love is so deep

i gave you my heart
i gave it to you from the very start
and i realized that you havnt noticed it
but...just be silent...and listen...
do you hear it...its my heart
its talk to you...
its says...i love the way you are mine
kristal...your the love of my life
and never ill never let that die

It do hurt, but I don't have enough tears to cry. Wished she just read and understand.

Goodnight.

P.S. another poem tmrw :D

I Think

2009-07-09T21:22:00.002+08:00

Hi guys and girls!! :D

I think I am getting used to it already.

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing
Best I Ever Had
What Can I do

the three song I listened.

I am sad whenever listen to this songs ,but they are saying what I want to do and say now.

I do feel like crying but the cry just won't flow. Weird.

I just thinking, I will love her. I did let go maybe in the future but I will love her always.

The Night are crawling.........

Going to come back later :D

Night [Edited]

2009-07-09T01:28:00.004+08:00

Okay. Here am I.

Going out today to a movie with her coming is surely is a BIG mistake.

I can't take my eyes off her red shades on her hair
I can't take my eyes off her face
I can't take my eyes off her eyes
I can't take my eyes off her clothes
I can't take my eyes off her shoes
I can't take my eyes off

The best thing is to move away from her.

If this keeps on. The only thing that can help me to let go is to operate my brain.

The feeling won't subside. It just slowly growing stronger

"See her or not, you are going to see her anyways. So why not take it?"
That is the whole point. That's why I must keep away from her!!

A lot of people will tell me, just let go and move on!!
THE ONLY QUESTION IN MY MIND IS HOW?!!?!?!? HOW!?!!??! Please, just be practical and tell me...........

I want to let go. I really do. I really do...........

cried till no more tears can flow no matter how sad. She already affected me till this much.

Just wondering why?

The movie is quite fun :D

Although no ghost or blood involved :P, it is still quite good and funny.
rank:3.5/5

Well, today experiment is quite simple. That's why I don't messed it up :D

'Night is here...........

Goodnight

Thanks for The Support

2009-07-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

Well, I just realize that doing something alone is really hard. And in the end, I failed my experiment again....

Nothing to do with the result. But I wasted a lot of time. ARRRGGHHH!!!!

I was wondering whether I am as "smart" as what people said....

Oh well........

"I kiss your eyes and thank GOD we're together"

Maybe it is just my imagination but her expression is as usual. not as hard as it used to be when she saw me.

ahahah or, "Maybe she just be yourself and you should too harry"

And thanks too cie stell and cie sylvia for the devotion :D

Hope I can sleep today. :D. Night is very scary...........

Goodnight

P.S. I might come back later

Happy Birthday Jie Vanessa!! hehe, Have a superb day ahead!! GBUAlways!!

Night: A Smile From You...........:Edited

2009-07-07T04:33:00.004+08:00

:D Here again...........
The Darkness enveloped the day once again and here am I, full of tears.

Just after staring your smile for not even 1 minute, the moment was like printed fresh in my mind and made me unable to forget it.

But nothing I can do.

Except remembering the past that we had spent and crying over it.

I am not sure whether you did let *me* go or not. But If you did, please tell me how...........

I am not sure if I am strong enough to experience this night for the years coming...........

I am happy though, when I see you close to other guy? It make me feel that you *move on* already. Hehe...........

Well, it just left the "stupid" me get over it.........

I can't stop crying, and not sure when I can be relieved...........

Goodnight

In the end, I can't sleep...........

Trying...... Hard!!

2009-07-06T23:01:00.003+08:00

Featured Video:

Best I Ever Had-State of Shock
Now I know I messed up bad
You were the best I ever had
I let you down in the worst way
It hurts me every single day
I'm dying to let you know

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend

So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave

You and I were living like a love song
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had

We fell in love for a reason
Now you're leaving
And I just want you back
So many things we believed in
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back
I'll never let go of the heart I broke

You and I were living like a love song
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had

I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were the best I ever had
I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were,
You were the best I ever had

Other Nice Video:

:D enjoy!!

Sunday Thoughts: Edit

2009-07-05T23:16:00.005+08:00

Girls are weird.....
They say one thing and then another
"I will NEVER hate you"
"That is why I hate you so much"

Can anybody enlightened me please? :'(

Don't and maybe never be able to understand why one girl can etched in my mind that strongly

Oh well...........

Btw, today, is the first week of my Church's Mission Month(dunno how to translate, Bulan Misi in Indonesian). The devotion wrote about Mat 5:13-17, about Salt and Light of the world,

"13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14
You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.
15
Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house.
16
Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew5.htm

I was thinking, I am not a Salt and Light for Kristal. I hurt her both physically and mentally. And that cause her, I assume, to not trust any relationship again. That is what I regret the most.

Well, I hope, there is someone that can be a good Salt and Light to her. :D

One thing, today I have my "first" Holy Communion (Perjamuan Kudus in Indonesian, not sure the correct translation. Sorry), well, I was confused to drink "White" Wine or Red Wine, but I took the Red Wine, because I thought I am legal, and I was surprised, they are hot in my throat and make my stomach feel warm. :D. Just telling you. :D

Celebrate my sis' 20th birthday too!!

well, I made the cake!! in only 5 minutes!! To tell you the truth, it is just 4 donuts, stacked with 1 donut and muffin on top (Thanks Michelle and Fendy :D). Too bad we don't take the picture of it. It is too sudden. Ahaha, oh well.

Happy 20th B'day my beloved sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D
may GOD shine HIS face upon you and shine your path!! :D
Hope you enjoy the surprise and your b'day day!! :D:D

Goonight!!

Piece of My Mind

2009-07-04T18:12:00.007+08:00

I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER WITH YOU!! HOW CAN'T YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOU HEAR YOU SENSE YOU. EVERYTHING!!
I AM REALLY DESPERATE TO HAVE YOU BACK!! ARRRGGHHH
Oh well, sorry, I was kinda follow the mood. I must stay strong already,
Ahaha, the last piece of my mind. It is not even half of what I want to say but it is close enough...........

"...
I'm gonna let you walk away tonight
Without a word

I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling, ohh
If you were here right now, I swear,
I'd tell you this

Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all i ever want, it comes right down to you
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
...
I never write the number
So I cannot make the call
Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibilities

Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

Don't you know it baby
I don't want to waste another day

I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable"

Do you remember? It all comes back to you...........

Bye...

Updates!!

2009-07-04T17:25:00.010+08:00

To:Kristal
From:Harry

This is going to be the last post for you. I do understand how much had I hurt you and cause you pain. But, I did whatever I can already. If you want to be stranger, so be it. Although, I was wishing, one day, we can get married and be a family...........
I love you so much
But, I'd decided to forget you. It is kinda hurt though, but if I can't I won't be able to move on. Since, you did that already.
that I can't let you go nor
So yeah. Thanks for everything for the past 1,5 years. It is the joy-est and happiest even that ever took place in my life.
I can bear to see you with another guy
Hope you can find security and happiness in the next relationship that you will going through. For now, be happy. :D
However, you did that and now, it is my turn.
All the best for you!! :D
Wish me for the ability to forget you...........
END OF MAIL
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I need a new girlfriend to forget you, anyone?
@prati: thanks for that saying. I know I am not :D but without her, I fell that Iam alone

Night: Dream Reality and Forget-ness

2009-07-04T01:04:00.010+08:00

"What will you do if it just a dream?"
"will start to cry and really get lost. very stupid right? haha!"

That is what happened to me,
That is only a dream. A sweet dream.
Yet, even now, I can taste the sweetness.

I want to forget everything.
I want to forget your warm skin
I want to forget your soft touch
I want to forget your kind eyes
I want to forget your beautiful smile
I want to forget your warm voice

Everything...........

Because it is too painful to me.

It is much more easier if we are really a stranger.
It is much more easier if we never met.

Because unfulfilled love is too complex and too painful for me to bear.
It is painful, to see you hurt with my own doing and it really torture me when I should cherish you more.

Even,
In my prayer, I hope that in the morning I forget about you and everything we've been through.
In my cry, I thought, it is painful to forget you, but if that does happen, I won't fell the pain.
In my despair and hopelessness, I hope that GOD can take away my life. I really hope that. But HE doesn't and I wonder why. Because HE knew that I can move on? But I am really clueless on how...........

I will try to be a perfect stranger. I can't promise that I will be. Except that GOD hear my prayer and make it happens...

I need to cry more. At least I can be relieved that way.

Goodnight.

A Remembrance

2009-07-03T23:07:00.005+08:00

"Smile HCT"

Do you remember that?
How can I smile now?
Things at the surface not necessarily reflect what happens in the deeper part...........

Letter For You, Especially FOR YOU

2009-07-03T22:53:00.001+08:00

Dear Kristal,

I know that I made you suffered recently and what you think of me, is a possibility but I never get clarified so how can I be seen as guilty? Anyways you may think that I am bad , but my reasons that I only spoke to jie vanessa, behind you is to know more about you, of what kind of things that can make you that way. I’m really sorry, I should asked you directly yet I did not. I swear, all I did was not a bad things and yes you may consider that as betrayal and you are not wrong, but hear me out before you said that I had betrayed you.

You’re my first love, and I am really glad that I have you, never in my mind that I did do anything that would destroy that beautiful moment. I only wish to cherish it even more. I know I am childish, I know I can be immature, but I can’t just help myself. I need some assistance and some guidance and you of all people, have been there for me always and the least I could do is repay you is to make know you more and prevent all kind of unhappiness, insecurity that might happen to you. I would never date another girl nor I can. I just be friends with anyone, only friendship. I believe and realize that I won't be forgiven despite this notice where I really hope would change things to the better

If I am allowed to tell you, we are both at fault. Me for speaking to jie vanessa in a way that, unfortunately, had made you thinking that way. However, the fact is, I just wanted to know as much as I hope that I can make you happy by knowing you without you ever telling me. I want to do good things. After reading this, If I am still a bastard in your eyes. I am really sad to say that I was such a guy in your eyes. It really hurt me.

If I am allowed, your mistakes are: You didn’t clarify your thinking. You just concluded all by yourself, thinking that your assumptions are true. You didn’t hear me out. You assumptions are a good possibilities, but how good are they even before you heard me? It’s not fair. As you said, it takes two hands to clap. I understand that you don't want me to contact you at all at any or all times. And I won’t. I’ll respect that as I respect you. I wish you all the best in your future. Last but not least, thank you for being part of my life and showing me the happiness of love.

Yours Sincerely,

Harry

IMI and Random

2009-07-03T01:34:00.004+08:00

Well, meet up with shank to accompany me to the agency but I went in myself. So after waiting for 15 minutes, I was interviewed. Not sure why I don't feel nervous though. ahaha, the thing is, the interviewer is like unformal, she sat with her leg croosed on the chair and speaking like old friend :D.

Unfortunately, the price for the portfolio is very expensive, S$380 for one pic!! Woa, so when she asked, "How many portfolio can you have?", then I said, "Nope, sorry". ahaha. Well, she seems irritated since after all that lot of talk, I don't make the portfolios. Oh well.................

I had been started out my rubik's cube again!! 4x4x4 :D

Trying to memo-ing the algorithm now. ahahaha

I will upload an entry for you, especially for you...........

Thanks

2009-07-02T11:22:00.003+08:00

Now I know why.
Thanks, finally I can let you go.

I just want to apologize to you properly but there is no point.
Maybe I should apologize for my meeting with you, if I don't meet you, surely you won't get the suffering.
I should apologize for being your best friend, if I don't, maybe I don't fall in love with you.
I should apologize that I said yes on the 5th November 2008, if I don't, maybe you still get hurt but not this much.
Last thing I should apologize, I am sorry that I failed to protect you and protect other girl, although I NEVER have the intention to protect her.

Although you don't want to see me, ahaha, you should bear with it though, since you will have to see me for the next two years. Sorry.

Mine

2009-07-01T23:55:00.003+08:00

My hope comes to nothing and I get hurt even more now.
Trying not to hope anymore, after all, I am all alone.
I wonder why she hate me?
I just want to know why and she don't answer.
Maybe uncle shank is right, try to forget her.
Yeah, I am trying. HARD!!

IF YOU READ THIS, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, ISN'T IT YOU JUST CONTRADICTING YOURSELF? YOU ONCE SAID THAT THEY ARE SO IN LOVE BUT AFTER THEY BROKE UP, THEY ARE LIKE STRANGER. THINK ABOUT IT!! AREN'T THAT WHAT YOU AND I DOING NOW?
MAYBE YOU ANGRY BUT I DID MY PART. I ALREADY DID ALL THAT I CAN BUT YOU JUST TURN YOUR BACK ON ME.
AND IT IS AS YOU SAID, IT TAKES TWO HAND TO CLAP. I PROVIDED MINE, WHERE IS YOURS?

P.S. I get someone to accompany me tmrw, but I kinda prefer to be alone. Since I am afraid that we don't have any topic to talk.

I am not sure that I can talk to anyone about my complain though. They already look irritated and they don't seems to care anymore.

Since the time I meet them, I should try to avoid them. I already getting used to being alone and because of her and them, I get in this position. Well, it is not that
I regret though, just that, I just get this feeling because of them. I don't blame them either since it is a great time with them. Okay, I just a bit sad....

Here we go, the night comes. I already afraid.... *sigh*

Random again

2009-07-01T14:28:00.007+08:00

I am really afraid of the night, time before I sleep...........
It is because I don't have anything to do or anything to concentrate on.
I just feel the sadness...........
I don't think of anything and suddenly tears just rolled over.
I just look on the ceiling and tears just flowed.
It is better in the morning, I feel the sadness but at least I don't feel ____, dunno, it is hard to said in words.

One thing that struck me

Onemanga.com
Akuma to Love Song:Serenus-Dreamers
Chapter 3 pg 4

Look at the upper-right.
"If you are friends with everyone, you become a popular guy in return, but you don't have a place where you can truly be who you are"
Yeah, that is me. Well, I am not saying directly I am popular, just that yeah, I am friend to everyone. Maybe for them I am popular, but what he said is true, I don't have any place. I don't have anyone I can turn to in school.
I can't ask anyone to company me tmrw. Well, I am pathetic right?

Maybe I should be alone after all. That's how I live for 3 years...........

BUT,

Trading My Sorrows-Darrel Evans

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

Chorus

la la la la la......
la la la la la......

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

GBU all!!

2009-06-30T22:40:00.001+08:00

for you

Random

2009-06-30T21:31:00.005+08:00

Talk to Ko Vibo today. Well, he said a lot of things though. ONe thing is that if she want to back with you again what are you going to do? If she cry? Is your decision still the same? I said yes...........

Well, I force myself to think that if I became her friend again, the same mistake can happen, me or she find another chance to get back again. Well, and in the end, she hurt more than she should. Maybe she know this already? Well, I don't want to assume again...........

Oh yeah, today is MBY test. Want to know something funny? 50% of the time doing the test. I remembered how fun is the practical since I was in the same group as her. The test is two hours and since I don't want to dwell in the past, after 1 hour is gone, I submit my paper and get outta there.

Btw, I am going to IMI alone. Can't find anyone to company me. Ahah, guess I am not that "popular" anyway.

Ah, should start doing something else already. I can't keep thinking about her.

Nothing Compares To You - Sinead OConnor
Lyrics:
It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing ...
I said nothing can take away these blues,
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every girl I see
But they'd only remind me of you
went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me?
He said, guys, you better have fun
No matter what you do
But she's a fool ...
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you ...

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."
~ Mignon McLaughlin

You are the '1' and the 'everything'

Been thinking....

2009-06-30T00:01:00.005+08:00

I read her friend's blog.

"If you love something, let it go
If it comes back to you, it will always be yours"
If it doesn't then it never meant to be"
-Ms Huiqing

Well, we broke up once and she return to me. But I let go........... So will she become mine or she will never be mine?

Talked to brian and when I said that I give up, he said that it is good. Well, I hope it is. At least I know that she will be good.

I am good as long as you are. sweetheart.

I think I think too much. Maybe because I can't talk to anyone. I was thinking that maybe I am not needed in the class. I was thinking that most people in the class do not like me. I want to talk to someone!! Please!! I am tired.

Well, tmrw, to be exact, later I will talk with my cell group leader. I hope I will be okay...........

BTW, I received call from IMI PTE LTD, I am expected to come to their office!! WOA!!
Well, my parents told me to not come alone. But I don't have anyone with me. I can never tell anyone. So I think I will come alone. Ahah,

"Leadership have a few consequences. One of them is being alone. Those below can't understand the top and vice versa."
-Mr Leander G. Cavestany

But I want to be understood by someone. Can't expect anyone though. Ahah. I am talking nonsense again.

Time to punch the bed :D

Wish me all the good when I wake up. Goodnight everyone. And Goodnight to you.

GBU ALL!!

What is The Best?

2009-06-29T17:34:00.002+08:00

I saved some of her blog entries. My favourite is the January entries. Because it is full of me you see.
It felt like a dream.
*sigh*
I always feel like this when I am determined.
Well, she is strong, so am I, should be strong...........
I think I will never be able "remove" the feeling as long as _______, dunno, see her maybe?
BUT, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL IT IS WHEN I SEE HER, I STILL WANT TO SEE HER!! DESPERATELY I NEED HER PRESENCE. It is okay without her company. But not her presence.
As long as I know that she still live and well, it is enough. More than enough.

Barry Manilow- Can't Live Without

Today

2009-06-28T01:17:00.004+08:00

I waited for 6 hours...........

Maybe you are right, I hurt you so many times...........

But you did hurt me too, you let me down, disappointed, and had my wound opened again...........

It broke my heart imagining you won't never come down...........

Even know, I am holding back the tears that is ready yet to fall...........

Maybe it is all my fault that I met you, that I became part of your best friends and part of your life.

Well, at least I get some proof that we had a relationship before and that we had loved one another.

However, I am, in the end, still grateful, that I met you, that I become part of your best friends and I had became part of your life.

If this is what happens, maybe i should never say yes on 5th November 2008. Maybe I should avoid you months before...........

And saying goodbye to our friendship. And be stranger. Never ever spoke to each other again.

Well, that is what happened now. I will try my best though.

Please be happy.

However, this feeling will still be there...........

How torturing it is, can't stay together with girl you loved the most

crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry
crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry
crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry
crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry
crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry

GOD!!Please take away the pain!!

Headache

2009-06-27T01:52:00.004+08:00

Drunk 2 panadols at once.

Get angry will cause you headache.

Dunno, I just say something and she scold me..

*sigh*

Dunno what my parents are thinking..

I a bit worried about tmrw. Will she meet me? or going to leave me waiting? really afraid.

Goodnight people!!

P.S. Pray for me please!! for today and tomorrow :D

updates!!

2009-06-26T00:59:00.002+08:00

Watched Transformers today. Very cool!!!!!!!! Ahaha,

"Autobots!! Rollout!!" :D

10/10 stars!! almost cry in the middle of the movie. If you watched and read my updates, surely you know. :P
Other than that, it is quite fun. Ahaha, talk to yu, and jie vanessa as well. Ahah, thanks a lot Big Sis-es!!

2 days to go

Cries

2009-06-25T03:27:00.003+08:00

:D Still watching + Playing

What can I do when I am alone? None other that reminiscing about you...........

What can I do if I remember you? None other than missing you...........

What can I do if I missing you? None other than cries...........

Ahaha :D

Who?

2009-06-25T01:19:00.006+08:00


Who you loves the most? GOD first of Course!! And Kristal

Who is in your mind? GOD. And Kristal

Who you wish to stay beside you? GOD. And Kristal

Who you want to be happy? ehehe, GOD. And Kristal 
I hope I can do that at least. Pray for me!!

Who you don't want to see suffering? GOD. And Kristal

Who you don't want to see in pain? GOD. And Kristal 
I am afraid I make HIM And her 
to be in pain most of the time and all the time. I am sorry.

my Utmost for the HIGHEST

it is about you too and for you

I had my Quiet Time just now,

"GOD's time is always perfect"

If you are tired of everything, please wait and be patient. Since HE will make things beautiful in the time. HE will!!

GBU especially you, my love for ever.

I had hoped that you are the one...........

2009-06-23T23:35:00.009+08:00

Watched Fated to Love You/You Are My Destiny!!

A really nice romantic movie. I watched it for the third times.

The First one is when I still going out with her. Ahaha, I felt that she is my destiny.

The Second one is when we have a fight with her. Ahaha, I still felt that she is mine.

The Third one is when we broke up (Now :'(). Ahaha. I STILL FELT that she is the ONE

Well, I just dunno what to say anymore.

I may getting used to it, but that doesn't mean I let you go. But that doesn't mean I want to get back to you either.

However, whenever, whatever and wherever you need me, I will be there

Goodnight.

Getting Used to It

2009-06-23T21:33:00.001+08:00

Done my essay test!!

Not too bad I guess since some of my friends do worse :D

Goodnight!!

Yeaps, even if she talk with another guy, I don't feel anything. Yay!! I think I can do it. But I can still be "aware" of her...........

Human

2009-06-23T11:18:00.003+08:00

Human is a fragile thing.

Just a moment ago, they can love you so much.

In the next moment, they can hate you SO MUCH.

If you want to irritate me, please try harder. I won't give up until I can apologize to you properly, face to face.

Everything About You...........

2009-06-23T01:13:00.003+08:00

Even though we had become this way,

At least, you had once really loved me...........

Even though I felt the pain,

At leas, the feeling soothe the pain...........

Even though I can only look at you from afar,

At least, I can see you and that you are safe...........

Even though I can't know what you are thinking,

At least, I hope that you can enjoy every moment without thinking and feeling the pain I caused you...........

Even though I loved you deeply that I ever loved someone,

At least, I know that I can't make you happy with me around...........

Even though I can't touch your soft hands, smell your fragrance, see your smile, and sense that you are close to me,

At least, I hope that someone will notice that you are special and that someone will hold you dearest...........

Last and the least, I do hope that you will happy and enjoying without remembering pain I had caused you, till we can meet again as a friend.

Going to miss you,
Harry

Notes from my FB again. Last one.

As promised!!

2009-06-22T23:55:00.009+08:00

Everytime We Touch - Cascada

P.S. Jan 1,2009

From Rave- mangafox.com

A romantic and very good song + pic :D

Am I?

2009-06-22T16:53:00.005+08:00

Dunno, I just feeling like I am not needed. Seems whatever I do I will annoy someone.. Dunno, I feel that I am very useless.. Ahaha:'(

But I know it is not a good feeling but I just can't help it......

P.S. very worried about later too!! :'(

Going class already...........

See ya later!!